No, this is not me . . . but it is definitely how I've been feeling around here lately! Despite all my efforts to stay on top of keeping house and kids organized, homework completed and self sane, I have been doing a dismal job resulting in more than a desired amount of yelling at my kids and a constant feeling on trying to catch up. My husband does not believe that at heart, I love a very orderly environment although I demonstrate chaos around me most of the time. One improvement came from moving to the Iphone apps and keeping notes, calendar, too do's and shopping lists etc. in one place. As a visual person, I find a print out of the monthly calendar by the phone also helped. Then there are the stickies I place on the counter as I remember things to add to the lists . . . and the basket on the stairs for kid clutter I collect that needs to get put away . . . and the constant reminders for the kids to listen to what I've just asked them to do and actually follow through . . . oh, and this term's massive amount of homework (I'm doing my masters) . . . oh wait, now school is back and there are the folders and kinder homework and guided reading . . . . and where did I put that list . . . . and hey, I need to check my email . . . . wait, we are late for karate and I can't find the uniforms I just put out to get the kids into . . . ahhhhh.
So last weekend I lost it - my sanity - and decided it was time to get it back. Isn't the saying that when you keep doing things the way you've always done them, you'll keep getting the same results? I was confused, because I had worked really hard to get a bunch of new systems going on in the name of organization. The pantry got a make over last spring (yes, that helped!), I have bins everywhere so that everything has a place, but it still was a madhouse. The kids and I spent the entire weekend reorganizing toys, reducing the amount of "stuff", updating the clothes by sorting, replacing or donating. Still, this week was crazy. This morning, the epiphany came - after a week of hell with an assignment I had been working on. I have two MAJOR skill deficits - committing to a schedule and following through/procrastinating. Regardless of all the organization strategies I have in place, I am still a random person who like to wing it. I need to face my fear of failure and learn to become one with some goals and planning. Daily life is NOT coming together for me simply by waking in the morning and seeing how it all unfolds. Having appointments and commitments on a calendar is not enough. Today, I bit the bullet and revised my plan. I made a daily schedule, am in the process of making a weekly meal plan/grocery list (thanks to my g/f finding a site that includes grocery list)and set the following goals:
1. Follow my schedule for one week and evaluate
2. Use the MomAgenda as my main source of planning for the week (instead of stickies!), then use iphone for the same things I have been that are working: to do list, shopping list etc.
3. Complete one task before I move on to the next
4. Use Saturday for prepping the week ahead (meal planning, writing out the following week on the Momagenda etc.)
5. Reward positive behavior! (kids and myself!)
In addition, starting last week, I have gotten much stricter with the kids and following through. I also need to walk the walk, and model what I am wanting from them. Before fun, get required stuff done. Before moving on, finish what you are doing. Listen the first time (which means I need to be disciplined in stopping, facing them, and speaking rather than throwing out a request as I scurry around getting things done).
Maybe to some, it doesn't sound like much, but for me, this is massive. As a former teacher, I would have panic attack over goal setting and scheduling (guess why I'm not working anymore!!) but thanks to maturity/experience, family necessity, and two more years of education, I've concluded that I am my own worst enemy and it's time to face my fears. If I fail, yes, fail, (the "Word which may not be named" in a perfectionist's world), the worst that will happen is life will return to the state it already is - Stressed. If I succeed, hurray for me, and hello peace! At least in one aspect of my life. The kids and their development (fighting, back talking, learning to be responsible), that's ongoing. With my 40th birthday a few weeks away, I have finally chosen to let go of the old habits and thinking patterns, and embrace the challenge of something new.
I like the concept of "planners" but have never found the Office Depot version suited to my needs. The Mom Agenda was given to me by my Planning Freak sister in law, so I didn't really pay much attention because she's been packing a filofax for years and my iphone apps seemed much more suited to my randomness. Then my neighbor brought hers out yesterday and told me it was her bible. When I looked at mine again this morning during my epiphany, all the pieces of my puzzle started to come together, and the thing really rocks. If you haven't checked it out, do so.
Time to move on to the next task! I hear the laundry . . .
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