All aboard! The Crazy Train has been running through here a little too often. An update:

I am very impressed with the way my new "system" has been working. After my last post, I managed to create blackline masters for a weekly menu plan, personal schedule (weekday/weekend), system to keep my calendars/todo's synced, responsibility charts for the kids AND have kept a clean house, organized work areas, clean kid rooms and stocked fridge - all while getting massive amounts of homework done. If you are interested in copies - send me a note and I'm happy to share.

Sounds great except for the reality of it all. The process of creating the forms brought out the best of my OCD/Type A/perfectionistic tendencies. I spent hours, literally, scanning the internet for JUST the right form - but ended up creating my own. I looked for more hours for meal ideas (despite being a great cook), so I could fill my meal binder and get my system up and running. This is when it really fell apart. I have a massive unconscious fear of failure (it became obvious to me, if I wasn't already aware of it at some level) as finding the "right" meals to fill in my silly chart was an overwhelming task. Somehow, I had concluded that I had to get it perfect before I actually hit print. Crazy. Then, after being up until 5am in a manic state, so proud of myself for fighting myself and getting it done, realized within minutes that my "perfect plan" wasn't at all functioning for me once I got off the computer and put it in to play . . . .

Lesson number 1: A working draft is much more reasonable than a finished product, and changing a system is part of the process. Nothing life threatening will happen to you if you get something down on paper and then change your mind.

Former Irrational Belief: once I had committed it to paper, if it changed, I must be a failure for not having figured it out in the first place.

Next came the "behavior chart" for the kids, in an attempt to get them on board with helping out and being more responsible. More hours of searching for just the right system, and falling into the same trap. I finally found what worked for me and my beliefs (not a sticker reward system but a self reflection for them at the end of the day). Chart made, icons found.

The week began and I followed my schedule. It was hard sticking to one task and following through rather than flitting from thing to thing accomplishing nothing. I like my schedule. I bit the bullet and made my shopping list for the week (off my meal plan) and stuck to it as I walked the isles of Target. Comedy of it all . . . for the past two weeks I have only made one of the meals from the plan due life events. BUT, I have the ingredients to whip up one of the meals at any moment.

Lesson Learned: Even with a plan, spontaneity still works. A plan is a guide, not a doctrine.

Former Irrational Belief: If I committed it to paper, I would have to stick to it. I would have to fit my life to "the plan" rather than the plan to life. I can still be me (spontaneous and going with the flow, yet have direction)

The "gadgets" I love are the Iphone and the "shopper" and "toodledo" apps. I have toodledo on my Mac, as I really didn't like the visual of Notes/email etc. I am a VERY visual person, and basically process that way, so being able to have everything in front of me to see, regardless of where I am, really helps.

The Mom Agenda is redundant at this point, but I use it to help me focus for my "weekly" overview. I make sure I have my calendar up to date on my iphone/computer (they're synced, so I don't do it twice) and I write my notes from phone calls or things coming up for the week in the designated areas - Kids, Homework, House . . . it's a great "week at a glance" system, while my Iphone is great for booking the appointments while on the spot. I place my stickies in there as well so I have them for the week to transfer info when needed (to do list etc)

Lesson Learned: A new system can still incorporate the things that worked prior to it. I love stickie notes, and having them all in one place works for me better than all over the walls and counters.

Former Irrational Belief: an overhaul means out with the old and in with the new. Down with stickies because I lose them.

And finally, the main reasons the Crazy Train has been boarded come from the real life events that mess up all my planning. We have work issues for my husband that change daily. It's a roller coaster ride and I'm exhausted. These are big ticket items and I would love to have some closure. We thought my father in law was diagnosed with ALS and on his last few months, prepped for hospice and estate planning finals, then were given a rediagnosis and possible treatment option (CIPD rather than ALS, which is treatable) All very good new, just more emotional roller coastering! My current course instructor loves to give mountains of busy work, with minimal direction, then decides what she wants after we've completed it and sees our products. This equals more hours of time planning, searching and developing programs only to have to revamp them. Impact on me and my family . . . they've hardly seen me, which sucks as hubby has been away (dealing with dad and work!) since the great Overhaul. And just when it seemed I had enough of my plate (which is always overflowing), we had a liver biopsy done on our son Monday - his second - to try and determine the cause and treatment options for a liver issue that has been ongoing for years. After a full day at a hospital, with some major errors in communication which led us to think he was in surgery twice as long as needed getting intervention from the cardiologist (a story for a different day), and a five hour recovery period, I got the call from his doctor yesterday that went like this:

Mrs. P - I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it . . . . . (my heart instantly in my throat and adrenalin rush hits) they've lost the biopsy sample and we have to do it again. This has never happened in my history of being a doctor. (And he's OLD) I don't know what to say other than I feel sick about it.

I am never speechless. This did me in though. I sat in silence. I didn't know quiet what to say either. I was still trying to get over the thought that I was going to hear a horrid diagnosis, while also trying to determine what this meant for my sweet four year old boy . . .

We're booking in again in the next few weeks. We're getting another ultrasound, more blood work, another little sleep thanks to the anesthesiologist , biopsy puncture into the old hole, 5 hr recovery (to watch for internal bleeding). I'm sooo excited!!! NOT. I can only pray at this point that it is all worth it and we at least get some answers.

Off to do more homework, and get some groceries. Life is never dull, that's for sure!